Life-"fields"

Life: it is a marvellous adventure where beginning and end are not really influenced by us. We can, however, learn every day better how to manage it. Whichever is the point you are at today, if you are reading these lines, it may be that you feel the need to adjust “something”. Or the time has come to scan the effects on you of changes you made “for the sake of peace” in the family, or at work, and whose emotional costs have become too high for you.
We can scan that “something” and make adjustments good for you. more

No matter if we are believers or agnostics, we have all asked ourselves at least once what is the “sense/purpose” of our life. It means that we wanted to know, and with good right, where we were/are going. If you have changed your destination or not, but you feel a bit “lost” it is important you understand why and regain consciousness about where you are heading to. Better said: of where you want to go and, above all, can go.
We can see how you have learned to “read the signs”, so that you reach your destination according to your original plan.

Whatever the trip we make, one thing is sure: we will have fellow travellers. Like for any trip, we can leave alone, or with someone, and meet “on the road” other people with whom we want to keep in touch. Sometimes a few of these fellow travellers become our life companions. Sometimes they don’t. Maybe their destination was so different that we have made important deviations just to be with them. It means that we needed that, even if this may have taken us far from our own destination. To know “who is who” in your life, allows you to better understand what you have shared and what you could not share, because it did not match your natural scheme.
We can see “who is who” in your life trip and look at the important lessons you have learned with one or the other, so that you keep travelling in more serenity.

School: similar to families, at school we may be lucky and have teachers enabling us to use our strengths at the best and teaching us also how to deal with our “weaknesses”. When this is the case, school becomes an ideal “springboard” for any type of “life-jump”.
It can, however, turn into our first “nightmare ground”, if teachers are not properly equipped (i.e. little interest in working with youngster, low motivation, wrong choice of career, etc.) to do their job well.
In today’s classes, though, on top of the conventional learning comes the integration of the “diversity" component. Multi-cultural classes are a big challenge for any member of the “school-triangle”: students, teachers and parents have naturally more “work” to do in order to understand each other’s needs and find good solutions for a friendly dealing with one another.
We can surely find a way for you to be a happier student, teacher, or school director, or a parent a bit more relaxed about the school-life of your children. more

Work: usually the services we are paid for, frequently also the place where we offer them. Whichever work we may do, the chances that we have to deal with people is high. When our “backlog” of family and school dramas is too heavy, we may be tempted to “equalize” our frustrated needs with our colleagues and/or supervisors.
Independently from the age factor, two major fights loom frequently behind the scene of many working places:

• fight out of a competition-scheme, where we may reproduce what we have done with our brothers/sisters (or immediate equivalent), this time however aiming at the recognition of the supervisor/s (“equal” to the love/appreciation of our parents)
• fight out of a power-scheme, where we may engage in confrontations with supervisors (new authority for us), as we may have done with/against (even just one of) our parents or parental figures earlier. more

Working through Diversity can run smoothly, but it usually does not at first. Here the findings out of my experience:

• we can prepare for diversity experiences, but until we are in the middle of them we can not understand what they mean
• any preparation we may go through is at first like a virtual bridge to the other culture
• diversity management is in reality comparable to a real bridge, whose length, size and static capacity are directly proportional to the mass of needs and information we manage to exchange with whom is on the other side of the bridge
• like for the building of real bridges, it takes time, lots of efforts from all parties involved, may need adjustments of all kinds and sometime it does not get finished, or it is dropped
• even when the bridge stands solid and beautiful, we have to know that it remains a bridge, that we built to reach the other side, and it needs a lot of “maintenance”
• the bridge is the “common ground”, the 2 sides of it our individuality and the one of our partner(s).

We can identify what is behind your conflicts at work and find solutions fair to you and, eventually, your working partners. more

Love: together with life itself, the biggest “unknown”, but also, immediately after our primary fears and survival needs, the biggest source of energy making us “run”.
Unfortunately, often it can be a long “run after trouble”, rather than one of the most enriching experiences we can make. A great deal of this trouble, particularly in Western societies, comes from artificial parameters of “love-prototypes” that have more to do with the way our economy works than with the way natural feelings do.
Accordingly, we tend to say that we love someone when s/he corresponds to those parameters. Knowingly or not, we look for these perfect “love-objects” and/or try to make them fit to the given “perfect love-scheme”. On top of this, as our nature has its own say, we usually also project our love needs and run relentlessly after their satisfaction. So, dramas in this “field” of life are often within our “top 3”, being without a partner is for many a “true” handicap and divorces from the "imperfects" are a growing trend.
Actually we should separate from the given love-scheme, dictating all needs and deeds of “love-objects”, and go for a personal choice freeing our potential as “love-subjects”.
“Love-subjects” naturally and kindly interact with one another, communicate in many ways, from telepathy up to harmonious sexuality, respect their individuality and work together on a common growth. more

Loving through diversity: from my experience and the ones of many friends and clients I want to discredit a legend: that we live well, or better, if we "choose wife and cattle from our own village". True and not true!
We may, as to deal with known values and practices allows us an understanding that doesn’t demand a great effort. Yet, precisely that assumption is what can trigger wrong expectations. With them comes along frustration which leads us to conflicts. The rest we know.
Neuroscientists of various schools would agree that we do naturally open another type of “programme” in our head, when we realize that we are in front of someone really different. It is this natural response, based on our survival needs, that eventually can allow a much bigger development than another combination would.
Like in the “field” of work, or school, the process succeeds when two partners find their “common ground”, accept with conscious respect their differences and are open to constant adjustments.
We can have a look at your love-scheme, see if your trouble comes from an “overdose” of perfection, or of diversity, and work on new solutions.